So I'm writing this post to update y'all on what's been going on in my life and my thought process for making such a big decision (and why so late into my college career).
If you know me, you know that I'm a huge, huge, huge planner. That's probably why I love planners. Every hour needs to be planned, things I need to do for the day have to be planned out (regardless of whether or not they actually get accomplished), everything needs a plan and when plans don't play out as I anticipated, things happen. Things like irritation and confusion and the shifting of things in order for things to work out. I'm not crazy, I promise. My point is that it's hard when things don't go as planned. I do believe it's a lesson to be learned ... letting the unplanned-for-kinds-of-things happen, but that's definitely a different story for another day.
So anyway, you can imagine how difficult it was for me to step away from my lifelong plan of becoming a teacher. It was the plan! I felt it as a child that this is what the Lord put on my heart. I wanted to teach students and help them to understand because I knew what it was like to struggle but have an invested teacher help me to understand. A teacher was what I was going to become and I desired to be that exactly (regardless of pay and regardless of how challenging it'd be). So i pursued it. I chased after it. As a child, I did all the things a teacher did. I decorated my room and made posters that looked like those in my teacher's classroom. I pretended to teach students (mainly art). I wanted this.
Fast forward to college and what I wanted to do and pursue stayed the same. I thought, "It's so great to come to college and not have to wrestle with what I want to do because I already know." I was so thankful (I'm still so thankful) that the Lord guided me in this way. However, the last three years have not been easy which is good because I wasn't expecting easy, but easy would have been nice, too. They have been the opposite of easy for me. There have been many trying times, not just because of the work, because it's not about the workload (although the workload is crazy ... haha!) If I'm being honest, I lacked in true understanding in the how of teaching children. Coming to this realization is humbling for me because I don't like admitting that I can't do something. But forreal, this was something I couldn't do because forcing myself to do something that I didn't want to do was not something that I could do. Does that make sense? Haha.
It was evident in my work and reflected in my grades. I no longer wanted this. This is not the same thing I envisioned for myself years ago and the passion is no longer there. I kept up with it for so long because I thought I had no other options. I thought that it was too late to stop here. I was scared of what others, my parents, and Jeffrey might think. I didn't want to throw away all these years because it felt like that was what I was doing. I invested so much into teacher education and I'm not even finishing through with it. I went back and forth so many times thinking about the different paths to take, but here I am ending with a general studies major and a minor in early education.
While it was difficult for me to come to this decision, I can recall not worrying much about it. I didn't have this urge to want to fix everything and didn't find it hard for me to let go of this planned thing in my life. I have found so much peace and joy in this decision and I trust that the Lord can and will use it for His glory. That's the amazing thing. God is not limited by what we can or cannot do, choose, or decide. It's always been about what He can do, who He is, and how He's made known in and through our stories. I trust that this is what He saw and how He's guiding me now will continue to be all for His glory.
There's been crazy support in this decision and so I thank all of y'all. I hope this wasn't super dramatic (haha) but I felt the need to write it down as a way of remembering what God is doing in my life.
If you know me, you know that I'm a huge, huge, huge planner. That's probably why I love planners. Every hour needs to be planned, things I need to do for the day have to be planned out (regardless of whether or not they actually get accomplished), everything needs a plan and when plans don't play out as I anticipated, things happen. Things like irritation and confusion and the shifting of things in order for things to work out. I'm not crazy, I promise. My point is that it's hard when things don't go as planned. I do believe it's a lesson to be learned ... letting the unplanned-for-kinds-of-things happen, but that's definitely a different story for another day.
So anyway, you can imagine how difficult it was for me to step away from my lifelong plan of becoming a teacher. It was the plan! I felt it as a child that this is what the Lord put on my heart. I wanted to teach students and help them to understand because I knew what it was like to struggle but have an invested teacher help me to understand. A teacher was what I was going to become and I desired to be that exactly (regardless of pay and regardless of how challenging it'd be). So i pursued it. I chased after it. As a child, I did all the things a teacher did. I decorated my room and made posters that looked like those in my teacher's classroom. I pretended to teach students (mainly art). I wanted this.
Fast forward to college and what I wanted to do and pursue stayed the same. I thought, "It's so great to come to college and not have to wrestle with what I want to do because I already know." I was so thankful (I'm still so thankful) that the Lord guided me in this way. However, the last three years have not been easy which is good because I wasn't expecting easy, but easy would have been nice, too. They have been the opposite of easy for me. There have been many trying times, not just because of the work, because it's not about the workload (although the workload is crazy ... haha!) If I'm being honest, I lacked in true understanding in the how of teaching children. Coming to this realization is humbling for me because I don't like admitting that I can't do something. But forreal, this was something I couldn't do because forcing myself to do something that I didn't want to do was not something that I could do. Does that make sense? Haha.
It was evident in my work and reflected in my grades. I no longer wanted this. This is not the same thing I envisioned for myself years ago and the passion is no longer there. I kept up with it for so long because I thought I had no other options. I thought that it was too late to stop here. I was scared of what others, my parents, and Jeffrey might think. I didn't want to throw away all these years because it felt like that was what I was doing. I invested so much into teacher education and I'm not even finishing through with it. I went back and forth so many times thinking about the different paths to take, but here I am ending with a general studies major and a minor in early education.
While it was difficult for me to come to this decision, I can recall not worrying much about it. I didn't have this urge to want to fix everything and didn't find it hard for me to let go of this planned thing in my life. I have found so much peace and joy in this decision and I trust that the Lord can and will use it for His glory. That's the amazing thing. God is not limited by what we can or cannot do, choose, or decide. It's always been about what He can do, who He is, and how He's made known in and through our stories. I trust that this is what He saw and how He's guiding me now will continue to be all for His glory.
There's been crazy support in this decision and so I thank all of y'all. I hope this wasn't super dramatic (haha) but I felt the need to write it down as a way of remembering what God is doing in my life.
Random in the midst of EdTPA writing:
1. Currently on a 10 minute break and forcing 30 min. increments of work, work, work.
2. Trying to write this edtpa. I cannot write.
3. Been singing songs super loud on break ... Chasing Pavements, All I Ask, Send My Love .. ALL Adele because I'm just now realizing how good her lyrics are.
4. Current burn: Bergamot Waters by White Barn - aka BBW.
5. Consumed like 8 donut holes with coffee earlier. I think it's time for another cup.
6. There is paper everywhere. Literally everywhere.
7. Finals week always does this to me, except this seems to be 5x more intense.
8. Currently wanting to eat some healthy snacks.
9. Glad Mai is still up pulling this all-nighter, too. Haha.
10. 30 seconds left! And it's time to write again!
1. Currently on a 10 minute break and forcing 30 min. increments of work, work, work.
2. Trying to write this edtpa. I cannot write.
3. Been singing songs super loud on break ... Chasing Pavements, All I Ask, Send My Love .. ALL Adele because I'm just now realizing how good her lyrics are.
4. Current burn: Bergamot Waters by White Barn - aka BBW.
5. Consumed like 8 donut holes with coffee earlier. I think it's time for another cup.
6. There is paper everywhere. Literally everywhere.
7. Finals week always does this to me, except this seems to be 5x more intense.
8. Currently wanting to eat some healthy snacks.
9. Glad Mai is still up pulling this all-nighter, too. Haha.
10. 30 seconds left! And it's time to write again!
I was teaching math the other day and I had accidentally taught my students how subtract completely wrong. So I told them, "Oops, sorry, totally did it all wrong.." So each of them whined and complained about all those chips they just had to put in a ten frame. "Ms. Yang, you just made me take all of those off!" said the sweetest boy.
Then, the blonde boy (who is usually always polite) asks, "Are you in high school or college?"
"College," I said.
Then, he goes, "oh."
Probably thought I didn't know anything. Ha!
Then, the blonde boy (who is usually always polite) asks, "Are you in high school or college?"
"College," I said.
Then, he goes, "oh."
Probably thought I didn't know anything. Ha!
In preparation for my wedding, one of the first things I was able to cross off my list was ask my bridal party! This, by far, was probably my favorite task because it allowed me to use my creative side and I love the way it turned out! I used Pinterest for inspiration and created the cards myself. I added cute little knacks inside, but specifically wanted each girl to have a necklace which I ordered off of Etsy.
It's been such an interesting journey planning for a wedding all while planning lesson plans for eighteen students. What an interesting season of planning. ;) Nonetheless, I'm absolutely savoring this season and enjoying the days as they come.
It's been such an interesting journey planning for a wedding all while planning lesson plans for eighteen students. What an interesting season of planning. ;) Nonetheless, I'm absolutely savoring this season and enjoying the days as they come.
Who spoke the earth and sky to fall?
Who sets the sun and calls the dawn?
Who breathed me out of dust to life and
with the will to trust or run and hide?
I will stay should the world by me fold.
Lift up Your name as the darkness folds.
I will wait and hold fast to Your word.
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours.
God of wonder and God of grace,
Let my soul stand always to praise You.
Fix my eyes on Your perfect way,
I'll never look back.
Stay and Wait - Hillsong
-
See this moment through.
Breakthrough is near.
The first week of school consisted of ....
1. Many many trips to the nurse.
2. "You get sleepy eyes, too? That's okay. I get it too sometimes!"
2. "You get sleepy eyes, too? That's okay. I get it too sometimes!"
3. "I like your shoes. Why do you always wear those?"
4. Taking over a different classroom and reviewing forms of precipitation.
5. Running bus loads.
6. Celebrating a birthday with Nemo and Princess cupcakes!
7. Pre-prepped lunches: quinoa with sauteed bell peppers and chicken.
8. A minor cold.
9. Only one cup of coffee.
10. Lots of paper filing.
5. Running bus loads.
6. Celebrating a birthday with Nemo and Princess cupcakes!
7. Pre-prepped lunches: quinoa with sauteed bell peppers and chicken.
8. A minor cold.
9. Only one cup of coffee.
10. Lots of paper filing.
+ My summer break is slowly coming to an end. With all the traveling, this summer felt like the fastest and busiest summer yet. In just about one week, the campus will be filled with life again and thus begins the start of a new year.
+ I am finally all moved out of summer housing into fall housing and let me tell ya, the move was horrendous. The humidity was real, y'all. Regardless, I'm thrilled to begin the decorating process and to start livin' with my roomie + suite mates for the school year! It's gonna be so much fun!
+ I passed the GACE. Thank you, Jesus!
+ I started a little bit of wedding planning. It's been such a fun time imagining and envisioning this wedding.
+ Student teaching started with pre-planning. Glad I got the "first day of school" experience, but it wore me out real good. I couldn't remember the last time I was so exhausted. My initial thought was "great, this is gonna be me for the rest of the year!" haha! But I really don't have that much time in the schools, so I'm learning to make the best of it. Not sure why I feel as though I'm dreading it so much....
+ I am finally all moved out of summer housing into fall housing and let me tell ya, the move was horrendous. The humidity was real, y'all. Regardless, I'm thrilled to begin the decorating process and to start livin' with my roomie + suite mates for the school year! It's gonna be so much fun!
+ I passed the GACE. Thank you, Jesus!
+ I started a little bit of wedding planning. It's been such a fun time imagining and envisioning this wedding.
+ Student teaching started with pre-planning. Glad I got the "first day of school" experience, but it wore me out real good. I couldn't remember the last time I was so exhausted. My initial thought was "great, this is gonna be me for the rest of the year!" haha! But I really don't have that much time in the schools, so I'm learning to make the best of it. Not sure why I feel as though I'm dreading it so much....
It still feels surreal even though it's been about a month now. I'm so so happy and still can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that in a year or so, I'm going to be married to my fiance, my best friend!
So many feelings and emotions have swept over my mind from day 1. How will we plan for a wedding? How will be pay for it? What do we even do first?! I'm proud to say that I waited two weeks before I thought about planning. One sweet friend once told me, "Just enjoy your engagement!" So that's what I intend to do! Two weeks may sound a little weak, but it's still a long time! ;)
My biggest concern is not perfection. Jeffrey and I learned very quickly that standards of perfection will easily lead to disappointment as well as a blurred vision of the very purpose for marriage. It's our deepest desire to center all that we do around Christ and so my prayer is that even in our planning, we'd still be able to honor God in it.
I'm thankful for friends who have continually expressed and shared in such a time of celebration with us. It's crazy to me, y'all... but all through God's grace that we're here.
So! Let the wedding planning begin!
Finally, the last of my installments from my trip to Kansas City.
Basically, the city market is your everyday flea market + farmer's market, but 10x better! There were so many food options to choose from ... from Vietnamese food to Mexican food to Soul food. Haha. I loved that the foods were so authentic and how the place was filled with all kinds of people. It's definitely a warm atmosphere.
We ended up grabbing food from a place called Bignet (pronounced "ben-yay") with an order of one nutella and banana crepe and shrimp creole! It's an odd combination, but it was yum.
Basically, the city market is your everyday flea market + farmer's market, but 10x better! There were so many food options to choose from ... from Vietnamese food to Mexican food to Soul food. Haha. I loved that the foods were so authentic and how the place was filled with all kinds of people. It's definitely a warm atmosphere.
We ended up grabbing food from a place called Bignet (pronounced "ben-yay") with an order of one nutella and banana crepe and shrimp creole! It's an odd combination, but it was yum.
My team and I traveled a little further out to try this neat pizza place in KC called Il Lazzarone. The pizza is made fresh to order and they're made inside one of those brick ovens.
It. was. so. good.
They had many options. We ordered "family-style" so we could all share and have a little variety. I think the pesto pizza was my favorite. For a 12x12, four sliced pizza ... a little pricy, I'd say, but it was still delicious.
Plus, the people were great. Our server was so kind! Rach and I both thought she looked like a youtuber. The atmosphere was loud and it was a very hip place for lots of hip people. Definitely a must try!
Just finished taking my GACE exam to be certified for teaching (ahhhh! crazy thought) and it sure was a huge relief (thanks again, Vic and Chu!). I've made my peace with it and I'm going to be so content even if it turns out that I may have to retake it. Haha.
I used this summer to prepare a bit of things for when I start student teaching. Made a few binders full of resources, one to keep my lesson plans, and another one for my day to day things. Yes, I really don't know what to expect, but the closer I get to it, I do find myself squealing from time to time because I'm so excited. I used to never be excited though 'cause it scared me ... doing more than just the required observation hours and actually playing a huge part in the students' learning, yes, that scares me, but in a good way. Truthfully, it's just the lesson planning and workload that makes me nervous about the whole thing.
I emailed my mentor teacher today telling her how I was thrilled to be meeting with her very soon now. She seems so so sweet and I've heard good things, so yes, containing the excitement and embracing the last of my summer days.
Speaking of summer, I have approximately two weeks before pre-planning starts. I'll be gone to HLUB or a week, so pretty much one week. I don't know how the summer flew by so fast, but I can only imagine the semester flying by just as quickly.
Craziness, I tell ya.
I used this summer to prepare a bit of things for when I start student teaching. Made a few binders full of resources, one to keep my lesson plans, and another one for my day to day things. Yes, I really don't know what to expect, but the closer I get to it, I do find myself squealing from time to time because I'm so excited. I used to never be excited though 'cause it scared me ... doing more than just the required observation hours and actually playing a huge part in the students' learning, yes, that scares me, but in a good way. Truthfully, it's just the lesson planning and workload that makes me nervous about the whole thing.
I emailed my mentor teacher today telling her how I was thrilled to be meeting with her very soon now. She seems so so sweet and I've heard good things, so yes, containing the excitement and embracing the last of my summer days.
Speaking of summer, I have approximately two weeks before pre-planning starts. I'll be gone to HLUB or a week, so pretty much one week. I don't know how the summer flew by so fast, but I can only imagine the semester flying by just as quickly.
Craziness, I tell ya.
Cute coffee shops in big cities inspire me so much. Coffee shops in general. The aroma is beautiful, the place itself becomes quickly filled and by people that are so interesting to watch.
Rachel and I actually got our coffee for free ... thanks to our boss!
So many pictures.
Can I just say how fortunate I am to have been able to take part in LIFE 2016? It has been the greatest of events this summer and I'm so thankful for such a neat experience in a beautiful city. Aside from the daily construction, I would say that I could definitely live in a city if I needed to. Can't say no to the pretty lights.
We stayed in the President Hotel for a week. It's an old building but was remodeled just recently and it was smack dab in the middle of all the places we needed to be ... the convention center, the cutest coffee shop in town, and Chipotle!
The convention center, which was only about two blocks away, held literally 5 - 6,000 students. That's a crazy amount but it's neat to see how the Lord is able to orchestrate a time and place and chance for these students to be here.
...thankful for crossed paths, the people I met here that I probably would have never met in a million years, small talk and good conversations, developed relationships, and good good Jesus-worshippin' music.
I had the sweetest of conversations with Heather (on the far left). We conversed over coffee, jewelry, boys, and teaching. What an encouragement she was to me. Heather and her family raise funds selling coffee to help students in fund for internships. It's humbling to see their dedication in doing what they do!
They even bought donuts for us! Seriously had to contain myself.
I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with Rachel. Seriously, if it weren't for her, this trip probably would have looked a lot different. There was a time we were walking to a gelato shop (which ended up closing for good) and she stopped in the middle of the road because her sandals had torn apart. It was the funniest, yet, saddest time.
Ordered a Cinco de Mayo burger (which was SO good) and they totally got my name wrong. Haha.
My first baseball game ever was a hit! Haha. It's definitely safe to say that I enjoyed the experience, but not so much the game. Would I ever pay to watch one? No, never. If I got a free ticket to watch one? Yeah dude!
Finally ... the view at night from the hotel.
And to end this post:
"When your circumstances are tough, lean in harder. Stay in scripture and stay in community because even when your faith is down to a thread, someone else is believing in you." - Stumbo
Back in May, I booked a flight to Colorado and believe it or not, that trip has already come and gone. Time sure flies when you're havin' fun. I feel like our days there were pretty long, but I'm at this point in my life where I'm really enjoying the little things in life ... like good conversations, the filling in on each other's lives, or just waking up with people you love. Not to mention, I even got to hang out with Jeffrey which would be the second time this month. *insert heart eyes* ... so it was all very wonderful. I'd be lying if I said I never wanted to come home 'cause I did miss my bed, but not so much this humidity.
Good times with good people.
Good times with good people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons