On postpartum: I heard it would involve a lot of tears and it does, indeed. It's not because of sadness or even because of the blues -- it's just a release of heaviness; that's the best way I could describe this need to cry. It's the most accurate way to currently describe how I've felt from time to time.
On another note, a little real talk about weight after pregnancy. It's not necessarily the number that I care for, but really what I see on the outside. It's always been a struggle for me and all my life, to be frank. It almost feels like it was slowly engrained in my mind somehow that in whatever which way I chose to exercise and workout, it was never be enough and I was never satisfied. I realize this is incredibly unhealthy, but for a long time, that was how I thought and sometimes it still creeps up. However, today I'm realizing that it hasn't ever been about the weight for me although that's what I thought. This has always been a mental game disguised by how big I thought I was. I like to put it this way ... every time I look back on old photos, I think to myself, "wow, I was actually skinnier back then and now I'm not..." -- it has never been about the weight. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, is that it's more about the way I've viewed and treated my body rather than the weight itself.
Anyway, in light of understanding where my head is with weight loss, weight loss after pregnancy has been so tough. Weight loss in general is hard, but as I thought about losing weight, I thought about how I've done much harder things before ... ie. give birth!!! It puts it into perspective for me and has helped me to see the areas I lack in that's prevented me from efficiently losing weight (of course, there is a LOT of grace though). Some of those particular things include lack of consistency, not recognizing habitual patterns, and the inability to follow through. Anyway, these have just been some of my thoughts about weight loss after pregnancy and is a piece of accountability for me here. I commend all the mamas -- the journey isn't easy!
On parenting: I never understood the scenes from a movie that involved parents often ignoring their children because they were so involved in their own lives and work. I must admit - I understand it now - not that I ignore the needs of my son, but it's been sobering to see and realize the reality of my own selfishness when it comes to choosing between the two. I pray that the Lord would work in me to always choose to love my children over other things.
As a new mom and trying to learn the ropes, I realized ... there are no freakin' ropes! Lol. It's scary with your first, but I've leaned on other women who have had multiple children and even in women who haven't and that's been a definite source of comfort. Early on, I used to worry about every little thing, but I've learned to just do what feels natural to me and that's been the most freeing thing everrrrr ... because as I said, there are no ropes.
On marriage after having a baby: It's only gotten better and I don't say that lightly or to paint a perfect picture of my own marriage, believe me. I often compare marriage to a pot of stew. The longer it sits, the better it becomes. Yes, there are small petty arguments in between, but those are tiny in comparison to all of marriage itself. We've only had Noah for a short two months, but I do believe that Jeff and I are better individuals as a result of having Noah and we are thankful for it! God's design for family is perfect and I am so privileged to see it play out in my own life and to be a part of it.
On finally starting that small business: I had a conversation with a few friends a couple weeks ago and something about that conversation made me want to just do it. So I did! It's been a thrilling experience. As a type 9, I hate putting myself out there! Ugh! It's weird and uncomfortable, but this whole thing has been so exciting for me to just do what I like to do and that has also been quite freeing.
I wish you well, friends!
Xoxo, Heaven
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